2 years ago I was a person that live without plan. I go with the flow. I don't have much plan in my live. Until I met someone that really open my eyes about planning in live. Well, he taught me to believe in myself and be confident. He practically live in a kinda broken family which taught him to be strong, independent and responsible.
Which make me realize how lucky I am having such a great family. Thanks to him, 2 years later I become more mature, responsible and confident in live. If by any chance you reading this, I'm sorry I messed up our friendship. I tend to shut people easily.
This year I thought I planned well enough. I will finished study on January. Which I don't, because I failed one of the subject. I was devastated. I'm supposed to get engaged in December. Which I don't, because we broke up, a month before my final examination.
During my final semester (repeat only 1 subject that I failed), I have to work to pay my tuition fees. I worked in a retail store, Pet Lovers Center. It was a fun and adventure experience. I never work in KL before. I'm so blessed with my kind lecturer that arrange the class according to our free time. Blessed her beautiful heart.
I attended a work interview before I even take my final exam, which currently the place I've been working for 6 months now. I just finished my probation last week YAY! Officially a permanent staff here. During my interview, I requested to start the job on July, because my exam on June. Which was rejected as the current programmer left the position.
I have to be strong. That is the only thing I kept in my mind. So, at that moment I need to divided my time with study, working and unstable broken heart. Which I think is was a bold move. I was thinking, my life didn't go much with my plan. Screw it, I got to do it.Well, I also lost a pair of my 7 years old pet tortoise during this time.
Fear of commitment, that's what I am now. I'm afraid of a new relationship. I'm afraid to buy a car. I'm afraid to attach my heart in my current job. I'm afraid of every single thing that I can think of. Perhaps, I looked like a strong independent woman. But deep in my heart, I'm a coward of commitment.
So they said, if you have phobia, you gotta go for it. If you afraid of spider, go and grab it. If you afraid of height, you gotta do flying fox. Which I think it may be true. I'm afraid of commitment, let's do some big commitment. So I think, I'm gonna buy a house. Let see how chicken I become.
It almost the end of 2018. So this year taught me a lot. First, you have to believe in yourself. Only you can change yourself. Second, listen to your heart more, but bring your brain with you. You might thank your heart someday. If your plan doesn't go well, don't be sad or broken. Get a new plan. Live your life. Third, take care your relationship with Allah. He knows you better than you know yourself.
So that's all. Until next time. Thank you for reading my pile of mumbling words.
